To a friend

I wrote this for a friend of mine, who got married a year ago...

I saw a little girl one day,
Who used to love to shake and sway,
To the music that would beat from the stereo,
My, she even loved to dance to the radio…

We met after quite a while,
When work began, in Mysore,
What fast friends we became,
A loo laa la la, le lum tame

What fun she was, that little doll,
With a funny cackle, and delightful call,
Her tongue she stuck out at funny times,
It was such fun making this rhyme.

Why did I put it up here?

To remember her by :)

I remember friends

When we met, the state, the time,
Every little word that came out in a rhyme,
The stories, the games, the broad knowledge frames,
Every little detail in the one thousand names,

The sms, sent, received and shared,
As friends we quite well fared,
Over coffee, movies, beaches and picnics,
Luncheons and dinners and small ice-candy sticks.

The games, the fights, the little concern,
The anger, frustration and abusive yearn,
Didn't last much to divide,
What will remain a bond tied. (Between us)

There will be changes and alliances formed,
When I will be forgotten, or familiar stormed,
There will be changes and distances formed,
Between you and I and reasons combed....

But even then I don't care,
I always will remain true and fair, (to them)
I can't remain vengeful or misunderstanding,
I can't remain doubtful and assuming...

That is not me...
No it isn't me,
You I will remember for changing my strife,
You I will remember for changing my life...


This all started when I read a friend's blog,

Training at Infy! Sick...

How do I begin? This lame brained rhyme,
How do I portray? This situation tragic,
Where art thou? I call yonder to logic,
Nigh am I... Says he, swirling in around mine head,
Where art thee? He calls unto me,
Heedeth mine call? He ask me,

Searching I find not that crumbling ruin,
Hidden under the lines of code, in my unix assignment,
All I find, is that blank line, that indefinitess,
That incompleteness, that leaves me wanting for more,
Where art thou? Thy cranial cavity...
Hark, hear thee fly. Thy tempers subdued.

Where should logic apply? He asketh me again,
I know not how, to realise..
My eyes grow sore, staring at thy unyielding output,
The code is so above me..
No, I say, there is a solution...

I sat, I wrote, I coded till my fingers taut,
I scanned, I read, I learnt, I wrote some more,
I tried, I tried, I fumbled more...
Now I stand beside a fiasco galore,
I know what I did to begin this,
But now what worked, lies at a standstill...

Strange, Love is...

All we did was talk, we shared not many experiences,
All we did was share, me my sorrows, she her laughter,
All we did was hang out, when I made her smile again,
All we did was say "Hi! How are you?"

Why then would she stay on my mind,
When we aren't near any more?
Why then would my ears long for a careless whisper?
When it is not something I need...

...

Strange, Love is...
When you know it ain't true.
Funny, Love is...
When you know it ain't you.

To behave obsessed, in the thoughts,
Of someone you haven't known,
Am I in love? I ask again n yet again,
With someone I have done nothin for or with,

All around say yes, the idea is stereotyped, you think bout someone for a week maybe more, "aye buddy, you in loouve pal". (All the winks n pokes follow), But then again is that what love is? I've seen so many couples exchange the three words as often as a span of few hours, is there any meaning behind it? Is "Love" measured by the frequency of which you say it to your spouse/partner in a day? If your answer is yes. I laugh upon you...

Some food for thought

I make a call today, my fellow people, that do not assume anything about any religion on basis of the media or any hearsay for I have gut feeling that that's what is being used to split this beautiful country of ours. The media just as a matter of "chance" happens to mention religions of one group of un named people attacking another group.
Always...

This I find very disturbing, for many of the perceptions I hear in daily life are false and are most of the time tall tales passed down generations by family and friends, when you see the real thing, you realise the wrong. Very depressing too. Therefore, please my readers at least, don't believe hearsay...

Scared... Who me? Yep..

I am 6'2'', weigh around 90+kgs and am scared of the following things...

1. Knives and blades in broadly smiling, pretty girls' hand (They somehow always manage to find the neck of poor nice guys like me, in the movies, courtesy Cradle of Filth and other metal videos)

2. Cannibals around the corner, (coz well they eat people... fear courtesy Wrong Turn, Dying Breed (aus))

3. Dark spaces, (coz that's where they could be *shudder*)

4. Zombies and ghosts and the spirit world (well I think they don't like people so they're as bad...)

5. Those damned knee shaking, teeth chattering, "waaaoollhhoooo" yell deriving thingies called bumble bees ($#@*&$#@*&!!!)

6. Spiders in the bathroom (thanks to the mail that says they attack your derriere when you rule your kingdom and... wait for it... you end up dead, imagine that... you die coz you decide to do the doodoo)

7. Walking alone on the street where there are no buildings (you never know when/where from those damn zombies/cannibals may pop a "Aaarrgghhh! Dinner... Dinner..")

8. Girls you meet at the bar, specially hot ones, who are alone, are single and who smile at you. (What! They could be vampires!!! Ever heard of a hot single girl at a pub? Why not? Coz they have their dates for dinner/drinks you wretched soul.)

9. South Indian action movies and KRK's Desh Drohi and Haal-e-Dil (Nooooooo, anythin, anythin but those)

10. Food that is alive. (Aaaarggghhh! They give me the hibbadee jibbies! Oh wait, that ain't fear, that's sick... Oh yeah! I'm scared of being made to eat that. Refer Fear Factor)

11. Becoming a POW. (Man! No jokes on this one, this is pure unadulterated fear!)

NOTE: I am quite sane and normal, just a few of the thoughts that go in my mind after you watch a lot movies (read OMG scary!) and ain't used to it. :P

HAZARDOUS WARNING: With regard to *looks to the sides, feet shuffle* the movies 'specially Desh Drohi, legend has it, that men/women who walked in to watch... curious, smiling at their (seemingly foolish) wariness, walked out after the movie ended as retards with no hair on their head and fear of the unknown in their eyes. They haven't been heard of since. I just saw trailers and I was told that I had been in a corner of my room saying stuff that sounded alien... for a day! and I can't remember...

Peace!

Affection

The sun glows on the crown of a green meadow,
A lone tree spreads it's shade,
Beneath, in the coolness of that blissful sunset,
We sit together holding hands...
Just talking.

Slowly darkness spreads, like mother tucks me in,
and the stars come out, like you in my dreams,
and cool becomes a delightful warm,
We sit together in each others arms...
Just smiling.

My affection for you grows at that moment,
Stronger and deeper...
My respect for you grows as night passes on,
And I see your gentle face resting on my chest. We lay like that...

Just breathing...

Embarrassed... Once and again..

*It all began with... (Looking up, dreamy gaze, a cloud pops up above his head and the televison turns on)*
I was this guy sharing a joke with his friends, traipsing along the path to the canteen, taking one careful calculated step after the other. When suddenly... *brush* he looks down to see the ground rushing to his face, and one of his feet just sliding (not coming out of the moonwalk) and sliding. KABAMM! He's on the floor, one, two... Ahem got a bit carried away, well I just remained sitting there on the path to the canteen, while my friends were practically gagging themselves on laughter. While other onlookers, were amused. Coz I was sittin there, dust on my clothes looking like the earth turned over...

*(Zoom out, zap) Oh yeah! and then there was this one time... (refer American Pie for dialogue)*
He was out there on the court, sweat dripping, driving in like a plow, *he leaps, feints, swings arm up, and scores to the sound of "whoa!" and other exclamations* and the game went on, quite well, quite competitive. After a long time, he huffs and puffs, goes to join his friend near the badminton court, sees a couple of good looking ladies *begins the "cool" strut, swings his body around and sits on a step facing all who are busy stretching for , and smashing the shuttle all over the court* and plops himself down, watching... "Hmmm, that's wierd, it's a sunny day and I feel chilly around the legs", he looks down, "Whoa, baby!!" suddenly he is seen with no cool stature anymore, running like he has an urgent call to answer (read nature's call)... Ten minutes later, he is seen in a trouser leaving the area, red in the face.


*(Zoom out, whoop) Oh! To this day I can't avoid checking shorts, before, after I leap (chuckle) oh and then... there was this another time...* Dance competition, three guys meet up in a dusty, smelly, hostel room to "groove n shake rear" session, and gosh they were turning out well, for the first 1:20secs of the song,

A: "Ok! next step, I think we should add a spin to that slide",
another A: "Eh? I didn't get you."
E: "Yea, show us A, what say another A?"
another A:"Yeah, coz I didn't quite get it, when you shimmy like that (laughs)"
A:"Yea, well see you go one an' a step, two an' a slide, three go spin...."

CRASH! Kabloom! Slamdunk!

A's spun faster than a record and spun off his feet and slammed into the floor like a tipsy drunkard.
Instant death to another A, as he falls onto the bed with laughter. E is in initailly surprised then concerned then carries on giggling, chuckling guffawing between "hey A! are you ok?"...
*Luckily we were able to get Alec back to life, poor chap still shivers (with laughter) when we recall that incident*

Characters - > A - Me, another A - Alec (college brother), E - Eric (college brother).
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I am very afraid of cows (failed to mention it in the previous article) ever since one chased me to my front door while I screeched like a little girl and my hands in the hair (or was that a dream...). Anyway, I wanted to get over that, so this one time when I saw a cow seated near the car I was in, I said to myself "Adrian, it's time to get over it", so I reached out and gently patted it on its brow and I smiled... for nothing happened, the cow then suddenly stood up (I had my mouth ready for a scream) , turned around, walked a little ahead of the car and (I guess making sure I could see it) and took a dump right there! My "scream" became a 'jaw drop'. It seemed as if to say, "That's what I think of you myte, go bother someone else". That's the last time I follow the mountain dew tagline. Ha! darr ke aage insult. :(

Dream Gaze

His steps grew heavy and his breathing was hard... All he could think of was to increase the distance between him and his attackers. He ran through alleys and climbed walls, trying to keep as winding a path as possible, his vision blurred with the sweat in his eyes, fear catching his throat. Turning around he saw no one, but he still increased his pace. Finally he found refuge in a hotel, as he entered in it, he slowed down, he took in a deep breath and walked in to the skeptical/curious clerk.

"I need a room for the night, one with a phone, money is not an issue."

Hesitantly the man pulls out a register and once filled in, hands over the keys. He picks them up n rushes to find the room, to find solace and safety. He hears people behind him talking in a language familiar but unknown, he pushes on. Finally, he reaches his room, closes the door on entering, his breathing now hurts, his side begins to burn. He looks for the phone, panic reaching a crescendo as he the door starts shaking with the pounding. He begins to pray for strength and calm. The door bursts open and three men charge in...

He tackles the first, rolls and knocks the second off guard and smoothly throws a side table at the third who lets off a shot. He doesn't feel anything, he thanks god and rushes out with new found speed, diving in to the stairway and climbing up to gain advantage.

Many minutes later

He lay near a bench, drenched in sweat, and covered in mud...
While another hung near the edge moaning.
The worker calls out for help...
-------------------------------------------------------

"Is he alive?"
"No I don't think so.."
"But what happened to his face, hands..."
"I don't know, maybe it's some wild animal, call the police and let's get out of here."

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He was still running, but much slower, the last fight had taken a toll on him, he had managed to drive a broken plank in his attacker's side, he hadn't stopped hitting him long after he left him for the dead, the rest had somehow lost track, that plank he still had in his hand, holding it firmer, he entered a ruin of a house and sat in a corner, shaking but alive...
He was bruised, his hand limp, he spat out blood.
He looked around and smiled...

"I won't run now"

An Allusion

Suddenly the life of a monk up in the himalayas, once again seems inviting...

No fear, no thought,
No one around, no one to look out for,
Self sufficient, self dependent,
Self made, self destruct...

Choices made, by the self,
Influenced by no one.
No fear of love, no hope for love,
No shame to feel, no rules to keep,

No one to know, no need to know,
No money to spend, no money to earn,
No blood to draw, no murderer to fear,

Just one with Gaya, and the inside...

Huh?

For...
Every thing that you complain about,
Every thing you dislike,
Every one you love/hate/like/dislike,
Every goal you want to achieve,
Every shot you want to count,
Every fight you want to win,
Every ounce of weight you want to lose,
Every outfit/pair of shoes you wanted,
Every dream you wanted true,
Every thing you wanted to do...

Ask yourself this question...

WHAT are YOU doing about it??

The two women in my life...

I am obsessed with one, and keep thinking of the other, I call up people to help take better care of one and read stuff to keep the other happy. I am gentle with one and words exchanged with the other simulate telepathy. I am madly in love with both, any injury to them pain me.

Their names are Ruth and Elizabeth...

Characters:

I -> me
Ruth -> My Pulsar 220
Elizabeth -> My first plant (have to find out the botanical name, some blue flowering plant)

P.S: Call me wierd? I enjoy being so.

P.P.S: Sadly, I couldn't take care of Lizzy, and she died a year ago.

Log Entry

In a bid to live a more clearer, organised life, I am gonna start a daily log of sorts to help me think out my decisions in a manner that helps me figure out questions that will help me see the path leading to where I want to be.

So

November 12th - 11:30

Today's Agenda...
1. Start the log.
2. Conversations of interest, if any.
3. Read on something I don't know.

It's been four months since I left the gates of GEC, Mysore, "Training Completed" under my belt and a career waiting to begin. These four months have been a learning experience like no other, there has been development of every sort, in every field. Today when I look back and go through those pages/links on my blog recalling all the compre/perception exams given, all the complaints/curses that left the tip of my tongue and the hundreds of slides of knowledge that I "studied", I learnt that the most learning happens under a "guru" during something vaguely similar to being an apprentice. I have as of this day been able to simulate a milder version of the entire FinRPT front end, back end set up, in simpler words, a WebServer to perform Double Linked List operations of add, delete, modify. A task that seemed unimaginable on the day I landed here. All that was learnt in Mysore seemed so bookish now, once you see the application, it does nothin but awe the tail off your backside (whether you have one or not). I run the addition in a browser running on one machine, send the data through and the data is added to a linked list node on a C server (back end, on another machine altogether), delete and list were performed in similar fashion, send, proces, receive, process and send back. The browser/client/front end is entirely java based. When the task began, once again curses flowed like water out of a jug and my hair whitened faster and my paunch stuck out more. But once the task was completed, I am creator (joint creator with my friend Chaitra) of this beautiful application, there are a lot of kinks and we weren't entirely always doing it by self. We were helped, but the majority was our coding and our lack lustre programming skills attaining gradual finesse (we're still improving).
Coding standards improved, typing became faster, understanding was more in depth, questioning became the order of the day, thinking was put onto paper, we tore hair, we kneeled, we sat, we stood, we keeled over, we cried, we laughed, we swore, we wanted to gore, we crumbled, we rose, we fought, we consoled...

At the end of it, it feels good. It feels very good.

Today we just dicussed war, in the games of counterstrike and Rise of Nations, on which I'm "ok" at at, the other which I **** at. We discussed jokes, misinterpretations, language, food, the birds around and the "birds" around, CAT studies and plain swapping lives. Once we were done with celebration of my friend cum roomie's celebrations, the action repeated itself at a colleague's birthday celebration, something quite unique to our team, we have a college cum training course mate b'day celebration with a colleague's birthday celebration, 6 out of 6 times...
Anyway, once we were done, we got into our DM's office for probably our last session, and then it stormed, it raged, we didn't have to pull our hair out, the strands practically walked out of our skull. The enlightenment process was enormous and I repeat again, I've learnt much more than the 7 months of training in Mysore, both in technical skills and in personal soft skills. My DM is a sure inspiration and simbly oSome! Am I impressed by him...

Hell yea!

Today I go open my book, whether I like it or not. Tomo, will come the details...

Log

November 13th, Friday
9:36 am

On the menu

1. Y'day night,
2. Attempt number 42,
3. Day's activities,
4. The start of a weekend...


I returned home witht the intention to finally open the dreaded book and get a read out of it. It didn't happen. Boo Hoo... Tomorrow I shall try again. :(

Today...
SUCCESS! It was finally done, after four long months after transferring from Mysore... I was able to wake up and shake off the laziness and go for a jog, not much, but I could finaaly do it.

Woo Hoo! Yea *doing nerdy dance and clicking toes and robot* wha?? Yea... wha? I could do it, I could do it, who yo daddy? Yea, wha? hollaaa louder... *chuckle*

Reflection

November 17th, Tuesday
9:40 am

1. The weekend past,
2. Moronic Monday,
3. Today

Ahh.. I reached home a little distraught after hearing the news that I'd have to be ready with a presentation of my training here at Bangalroe by Tuesday EOD. What a beautiful nightmare. :(
Anyway, the weekend was 8 hours away and that lifted my spirits. Also my dear room mate suggests we play counter strike at home, "Aye man, got a lotta frustration to vent out in lead, so I'm game" and what a game it was, till the last five rounds we were either tied or one up. Though I lost I was cool, my mind clear and sleep came easy.

3:15 am

My phone rings...
"Wha???? I just slept is it 6 already..."
My hand pulls the cell close and I see a friend's name, %$#@ is this the time to call, I mute it and cut it off, 10 min later the $#@#$% phone rings again. Same person. Finally I decided to answer the call,
Me: "Helloo!!"
Friend: ".... "
Me: "(pause) Hello!"
Friend: ""
Me: (man you're so dead)

I cut the call, shove it under the pillow and off to sleep, results
I wake up late for my appointment, I get further delayed coz system restore is slow.

11:20 am

Today went well, I'm in high spirits, I'm practically "getting-jiggy-with-it" while walking the streets of Shantinagar. Mum calls and we have a delightful long chat, I speak to dad too, another good conversation and I'm happier than ever. Then I take a long walk, sit in the bus and we're off...

Status Check : Happy
Location Check : Near Kormangala
Mood : Cheerful

45 min later...

Status Check : Amused/surprised
Location check : somewhere
Mood : Still Cheerful

20 min later...

Status check : Flabbergasted
Location Check : Sarjapur (a small village-becoming-a-town on the outskirts of Bangalore)
Where should I have been : HSR Layout 50 min back
Mood : Still cheerful :)

================================================

One half hour later,
I'm in my house starving, so I begin to gorge on 1 plate palak paneer, half a chicken in chicken masala, 4 roomali rotis, one HUGE chicken tikka roll and some crackers. Did I finish it.. Not completely, I managed to leave one piece, some gravy and two rotis. Oh well, dinner is accounted for, not too mention the gaping hole in my pocket. But what the fudge, once in a while, I forgive myself. *chuckle*

The evening was spent in sleep, a bath and attending service at St. Anthony's Church.

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Sunday

Mood : Not great
Location : The wrong side of the sleeping mat

So the morning was quite deja vu without the good cheer, the afternoon was EXCELLENT food.
One by two, hot and sour soup (they'd run out of big bowls), one plate fried chicken momos (5 pcs)
and one big serving of awesome spicy veg koithio (flat noodles) in red sauce. Ahhh... what bliss.
The evening was spent away in quiet reflection on relationships, scrapping my new Spanish friend Lourdes and messaging another recent good friend.

Lesson learnt : Sometimes, you tend to be good to people or too bad to people without fully understanding why you do so. Honestly a good relationship shouldn't need a reason to make or continue. It shouldn't need explanations or desires or expectations. I dislike reciprocating the way certain people are to me just because I wasn't that way to them, but sometimes perhaps it's necessary to maintain the relationship. One cannot believe in something and then expect everyone around to follow the same belief. Sometimes you need to remember that the heart doesn't think it just beats and pumps blood to the rest of your sole body not others. Sometimes it is imperative to have no feelings, to be objective...


=================================================

Monday dawns near

An attempt in hindi (english script)

yeh akelapan bhi kya cheez hai
dil main kitna mehfuz hai
paas koi ho toh bhi sirf takleef hai
koi kareeb na ho toh bhi sirf dard hai

Kaunsi manzil hai saamne
Jo dekh kar bhi andhera laaye
Kis pagalpan main mai gayaa hu
Jo roshni ko aandha banaye

Recognition

Wednesday, 18 November

19:57 pm

1. Monday nigh
2. Tuesday blues
3. Wednesday

Monday began with dread in the head.
Many perceptions of how worse the day would get, kept floating about in my mind. All this while, I kept complaining about how IT wasn't my cup of tea, but somehow, it always gave the impression that I, was making it difficult, perhaps it was just me against my conscience, fighting out the depression that would keep setting in with each failure I came across, fueled by each small success that came back. Monday was one such day where my alter complained and whined about the task that lay ahead, making a presentation on all that I and my colleague/friend had learned in the past four months. Difficult, yes, for I believed it was an impossible task to achieve given my now famous memory blocks *that gets garbage collected, faulty try catch block*
Anyway, the task began, I messaged old friends, checked mail, wrote a blog entry, blah blah.. At ten when I felt a bit better, I got into murky water and lay my hands on it's head, twitching my nose to the stench that rolled up, the blood shot eyes stared back at me and frowned... ahem, sorry wrong story, ahh yes, the slides began "Tricks to the trade", sub-heading "The past four months of training in FINRPT".

6 hrs, one disappointed friend (whom I couldn't meet for lunch), some more mails, a nap later
50 slides were done, not bad I smile to myself

Time to leave, dinner was good at terminal
Mood : Pleasant
I ride home. Enjoying the lull of the engine and the cool night chill. :)

===============================================================
Tuesday was rainy, very very rainy, so though I was ready in reasonable time, I get delayed.

Decisions : No bike, big bother to clean up after
given the fact I end wiping the bike like 4 times a ride.
Before to, wipe down
To, wipe down
Before Fro, wipe down
Fro, wipe down

So I'm in the bus all squishy, my polished shiny shoes now dull and muddy, my trousers speckled with mud and the bus full. Even then, the weather's pleasant and I'm quite fine. A small breakfast later, work begins again, I see the name and I'm back to mister low again (I hate that $^#%&) ahem, pardon my french.
So anyway, I get back to work, my colleague too is visibly tensed up and all she keeps asking me is "How many slides done?". Tempers are mid level, irritation sets in easy, I can't meet up friends for lunch again and at the end of the day somehow, the task seems achievable and we're calmer, but another problem has crept into my mind and he sits there sucking my happiness like a dementor perhaps a parasite.

All I can think is of friends, some I feel betrayed with, some whom I miss even more. From this I realised that though I manage well as a loner, sometimes I need my friends, the few the true to be with me like a dance crew on the streets, live together, die together kinda friends. Unfortunately, this isn't possible yet...
I'm gradually learning to live with it. :)
Two hours, maggi noodles and eyeing a cute lady later
I reach home, a sob story is shared with a few close mates and Tuesday's chapter closes in very sound sleep, some on the bus during the trip, some at home.

Mood : I-missed-my-bike-that-day mood

===================================================================
Wednesday, I'm ready by 7:30 on the dot, I'm the first to leave the house, hmmm.. I have a good feeling about today. Good breakfast at 10:30am, I had finished 100 slides satisfactorily and we were a bit lunatic with anticipation to meet our DM. As would happen with my amazing psychic skills, I foresaw the discussion, sound effect and Murphy's law came true.

"WHEN SOMETHING HAS TO GO WRONG...
IT WILL"

So though he seemingly liked what we had done, glaring mistakes were pointed out and we were to correct them. An animated discussion followed, some casual mental ragging. So we decided reluctantly, "Something had to be done", Chaitra too agreed that it was time to put the chin up and face fears.

Lesson learnt : Writing down and organising yourself helps tremendously, it keeps your memory from dissipating what you know to the outside as part of conduction and it also gives you the confidence of "knowing" what you will say or do. Maybe everything can't be penned down, maybe somethings shouldn't be penned down. But loading off on paper is perhaps, the most satisfying activity one can find in stress busting. It makes you calmer, it makes you madder, it makes you think, it makes you forget, it makes you remember and it makes you love. All that ends with YOU being better to you. That's what it should be, isn't it?

Judgement

The world goes black at night,
The stars, they shine with crystal light,
My mind wanders into unfathomable seas,
Looking beyond the horizon, everybody flees.

What's on my mind, I can not convey,
It always seems like just yesterday,
That I was at the threshold there,
Looking back at everything fair.

Change is inevitable, I hear,
Work is insatiable, I fear,
I feel distraught, sometimes...
I feel caught, sometimes...

I get somewhere, and the road leads on,
Destiny's a mere song,
One can hear but cannot know,

The hammer, yet to deliver it's blow

Organize

Making a Delivery

Step 1: Pick up package, find a way to send it to Belgaum in one night...
Options
Bus : Put into bus, overnight journey to Belgaum. Check
Speed Post : One and half days, naaah
Courier : Two days. Wha??

Step 2: Ask friends for bus stop.
Step 3: Go to bus stop and find out they don't do that.
Suggestion 1
Go to Majestic and contact head office
Place : Kormangala
Time : 8:30 pm
Decision : Don't follow suggestion, there has to be an easier way...
Result : You reach home, punch the wall and skip dinner.

Suggestion 2
Find out VRL outlet in 8th block Kormangala
Place : Outside VRL place
Time : 9:00 pm
Result : Closed at 7:30 pm
Cascade to : You reach home, punch the wall and skip dinner.

Step 4: The next day you try again. Go to VRL outlet the quickest you can.
Step 5: Learn that outlet doesn't take documents.
Step 6: Learn that you need to go to Majestic to do so.
Step 7: Learn that most travels at Majestic close shop at about 8:00 pm
Current Time at learning this : 7:58 pm
Result : Anger makes you get a tan.
Cascade to : You reach home, punch the wall and skip dinner and eat biscuits.

Step 8: Next morning you go to a post office and post it yourself skipping the pit stop at Belgaum.
Step 9: You smile, feel good and curse yourself.

Question : Why didn't I do that the first time?
Answer : There was a task to be done at Belgaum for which the documents were required.

Question : What about it then?
Answer : I was able to skip part of the task and get the remainder done in Bangalore itself.

Lesson learnt : Planning out such trips need one, just one half hour (read half hour not one and a half) to figure out alternatives and call these places instead of visiting there and coming back. So three days could've been reduced to one morning.

Mood : Enlightenment

What disturbs me...

Of late, I get atleast one mail that is based on communities. I bet there are some that do not come to me too. Isn't it strange that inspite all the education we have recieved, we still tend to believe these e-mails, (all downright hoaxes for sure).

I may not have the proof to prove them wrong, but tell me a few photographs thrown in with some statistics and famous quotes and "real" life experiences added prove it's authenticity?

Especially in a world where a humanoid can play football and do hip hop and photographs can be generated from scratch... from thin air, and videos can contain special effects that surpass what your mind and vision can grasp.

There are people who are out there, who will tell you stories in the most convincing manner imaginable and you will believe them.

Best friends

There's nothing better than having close friends around to cheer you up not even dark molten chocolate with cream on butterscotch ice cream.

Wait a minute...

There is...

There's nothing better than having dark molten chocolate with cream on butterscotch ice cream with your closest of friends.

Yea, I know, most people would say I talk only about food in my blogs.
I'm just using it as a metaphor, and using food as a metaphor is easy for me.

Anyway, whenever you feel low and parents or siblings aren't around to keep the blues off, you can always count on friends. There are many occassions when you really can't do without that guy/gal who pats your back and says "Chill yaar! Hota hai" or "Don't fear, I am here", it has magical effect, within a few seconds, you feel relaxed. When you've had a bad day at work and nothing seems to be going right an old friend's call gives you the warmth you need to get through the night peacefully and at calm.

So to friends and rakhi sisters...
Live on.

Fun

All the smiles, it brings along,
All the shyness it kills,
When that word comes off my lips,
I'm just having "Fun".

I have it in sight the happiness brought,
When I can just look at the sun,
Go around in the sand box and run,
All along just having fun.

With friends and family all I'd do,
Is dream about fun so true,
It hurts to kill this sense of mine,

When I just want to have fun...

Apocalypse

Dust begins to settle after the earth has shaken,
I can't see anythin but oblivion,
Belie me the truth, says the universe,
Is it time I rest my breath?

All I want is to sit back and look.
At what they call Apocalyse, the fools.
What do you wish to see my friend?
Death and famine around the bend

Is that what defines destruction to you?
Is it just blood that makes it true?
You could be dead without a wound,
You could feel pain, without a scream.

That's what I would like to believe,
That's what I would call the feel,
That you'll know when he rises,
The name that brings fear to the heart within.

Apocalypse is nigh, brethren.

Apocalypse is nigh, brethren.

Recuperate

The journey begins so long,
I can't know where I belong,
All I do is continue to think,
About everything that has been and undone,
I need to change, need to believe
There will be a chance to recuperate.

Once all is gone and I'm alone,
I need to know, what I'll have besides,
The pain and desire, that you left me with,
I want to have the chance to stand up,

To quench my thirst and recuperate...

Machete

Written for a friend who gave me this word.

Wicked forth the swing comes by,
Missing the hair by inches to fly,
past the neck of another nearby.

It's in my hand, wielded to slice.
The sound of shine at it's tip,
A hollow whistle comes off the edge.
Strong the fall on it's victim.

Weak if the holder unskilled

I walk... Enlightened

Give back what you receive, no more.
Take nothing instead just give without return.
Look back neither into the dust left behind,
Nor the shadows hidden in the past, bind.

Look forward onto the rising sun,
The dull environ lit with the horizon.
Look forth into the jungle,
A path stands waiting amidst the thorny fudge.

Bring upon the rays of light,
Onto your mind, quiet as night.
Bring upon the desire of quest,
Let it raise the beat in your chest.

Bring upon the thirst to know,
What there never was to show.
Bring upon peace of soul,
All forget, stumble not low.

Hound me not, I fear not thee,
Point me out, I won't be seen,
Speak to me, yes, I'll listen.
Listen to me, you'll hear silence.

I belie no one to you,
I construe much more than thought,
I am the connoisseur of love.
I am the apprentice of pain.

I shall lie at one and distant,
Like as is the will of god.
Death will call soon onto me.
I shall no longer be well to know.

Tears won't fall on the earth.
I shall not have that, no.
Sadness shall be short lived.

For I shall live on..

Understanding women

An interesting conversation... :)

Q: A, do you understand women?
A: Well B sometimes, yea. Most of the times, I try not to. :P

Q: Why do men say women are complicated?
A: Coz men, belong to a different category. We understand each other very well.
With women, they have certain traits we are not familiar with. Hence in the unfamiliar we find comfort by terming it complicated.

The weekend dated 7th December 2009

It was perhaps the fastest weekend to go through, for it had enough activities to complete the cycle, daylight to night.

Saturday :
----------

1. Had a looksie at a martial arts class' workshop at cubbon park,

Agenda:
-------

1. Hop around for warm-up and punch in the air while on lookers go ahhh, oohhhh
"Guru, aa hudugaru seganiyalli karate maadta idare nodu..."

2. Push-ups and squats and kick drills, and punch-the-bag routines etc.

3. Move on to knife attack simulations

4. Move on to "How to save your life, if a mob decides to go kamikaze on your ***"

5. Lunch at Koshy's. MMmmmm.

2. A long ride to Palace grounds to my first ever metal concert.

Agenda:
-------

1. Stand in the sun in synthetic tracks for two hours for the gates to open.

2. When legs about to give way, the guards say "ok! Let them in..."

3. Stand up front and wait for another one n half hour through sound checks,
equipment movement and set up for the first band

4. Bob your head the first couple of bands and experience onslaught of first-ever-seen mosh pit.

5. Look at the guys who are high with "man! ****** retards" look and turn back to bobbing head.

6. Also try and not think bout the OMG ache in your legs and evaporating fluid from your body, not to mention passive smoking and crowd shove.

7. A better band calls for more head banging, with everyone's hair in your nose and mouth.

8. AMON AMARTH!!! OOHH YEAAAHHHH!!!

9. Take videos and pictures till hand aches.

10. Get hoarse voice, have a cold drink, add to the hoarseness.

Time : 11:00 post meridian.
Problem : Rick not available, at least not an empty one.
Solution: Walk up the road in search for one.
Did it work : Yea. Got one which gives a hole in pocket as thanks.

Arrival time : Exhausted
Activity : !??!??
What possible "activity" am I capable of... you pink nosed baboon!
Weeelll... I just ate and slept alone on my bed FYI.


Sunday :
--------

Time : 7:30 am
"Yo Adrian, wake up! we gotta for breakfast"
Reply : "$@#! %$%! I'm not moving. Go buzz around someone else"

Time : 9:00 am
"Heyy, how much will you sleep man! Wake up! The birds are chirping..."
Reply : "SNORE!!!!!"
Reply : "Ok, ok har har har"

Activities : Wake up at 11 am, go out with friend, eat out, drop him at bus stop, miss church service :'(

Reach home, go to sleep.

Dream : Beautiful sunsets, a lovely lady beside, the NBA MVP just been bestowed....
Next assignment - session clearing ?!?!?
FinRpt Studies - ?!?!?
Issue resolving - ?!?!?!????
Countdown to Monday - 10 9 8 7... ?????!!!!!!!

It's Monday at 7:00 am.
as my alarm rings

Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu...

I'm Happy

It happens in moments, it comes in spurts, it brings smiles and sometimes overwhelming too, it makes you forget everything in that brief lapse of time and instinct drives you to pass the cheer. A free mind grows to embrace your every sense and nothing irritates you and no one's problems reach you. Music makes you dance, and you don't care whether people are watching or not, you do a jig and a spin, you fall and you laugh. The laugh resounds making several around smile at the very least. You go hm da dum la woo hoo, yahooo OOO with the ad on television. You play your guitar well, you sing better, you eat healthy, friends seem close. The world bursts forth the colours of nature and everything feels so great when the words come off your lips.

"I AM HAPPY!"

When I have nothing to write

I hate these days, yes I do,
When I want to pen lines, but none come through,
When I want to express a certain view,
But absence of information holds me back.
Just this morning,
I saw a flower shy with dew,
But all I had in my mind was an empty stack.
A frame around nothing, not even air could fill it,
Floating around in space too, just didn't seem to fit.
And that's when I thought, I need something,
How could I just sit there and do nothin?
Then I can came up with this poem,
And nothing else but this poem.
.
.
..
Man, I miss writing so much.
I miss expressing so much.

The night

Something I came up with in 3rd year.
Modified today

A black canvas of floating light,
Sometimes so clear with speckled white,
Sometimes with cotton tufts, still and in flight,
To the wandering eye, it's a calm delight.

It seems strange to see so far from above,
A sphere of air holds everything snug,
A window there lies, to another world,
Of silence and beauty, so myriad, so bold.

To the eye, it changes ever so often,
The days din, it always does soften,
Slowly art appears with passing time,
A slow dance of hue and flame,

Music sounds faint and distant,
Shadows leave behind nothing to claim,
Out comes pure and silver, a glowing orb...

It's the night!

An apology

There's not been a friend like you in a while,
Who can hold hands and bring a smile,
Laughter comes naturally, when you are around,
Everything comes instinctively, real and sound.
I loved meeting you, when I did,
It's a memory I won't cease to cherish,
I loved every smile that I brought on your face,
It reminded me of a beautiful place,
Where I could be on my own, be glad,
No worries, no qualms, I was never sad...
You'd come and make everything an obsolete fad.

Now somewhere down the line I did wrong,
I went wrong, I committed crime,
It maybe too late to mend the deeds,
But I don't want to be too late to apologize.
So dear friend, I ask forgiveness,
For the times I wasn't there to help,
For the times, I was there and didn't help,
For the time, I did nothing to wipe the tears,
For the times, you just wanted me near...

I may not be able to set things right,
But I hope to keep you my friend, Elaine,
A few hang outs, maybe a game,
I apologise, once love, I won't do it again.

P.S: The name is fictional in this regard, it just came to my mind.

Arriving at the theorem

I stated a few days back,
"Given about a million things in the mind and other kazillion-people-you-know-and-hate-or-dislike thoughts, and qaudrobillionstiflingkollion things about other things, a walk with lose-yourself-in-the-din-around can clear your head completely"

Sounds really bad doesn't it. I'm really terrible at making stuff up. :P
Anyway, it does convey what I went through that day. I read this book, 'The Zen Commandments' during my stay at Mysore, for some forgotten ILI session and I remembered the meditation technique the author suggests. He writes, 'Just listen, absorb, and be aware of what's going on around you, try not to isolate sounds, just hear everything as is, don't close your eyes, see everything around you, feel everything you do as you do it.'
(Requoted in my words)

I said, "Hmmm! Sounds interesting, let's give it a shot!"

I begin to walk a little slower now, trying to feel the road under, the tarmac, the shoes acting like a divide between the heat and texture of the road and the feet's sole. Trying to feel all the differences in the terrain that change as each step is taken and at the same time, watching the vehicles go by, listening to the sounds accompanying them, a distant gear changing, someone's voice, a rattling can, footsteps behind, ahead, around...

The smoke slowly rises, dust swirls, you can hear a baby cry, a man abuse, another pray, a sweets shop make jalebis.

As you begin to slowly absorb each sound, touch/feel every thing around and see every sight. Suddenly something wierd happens.

Everything gets muted...

You see the same place you lived through for 6 months and you notice something different, the person praying at the small prayer hall, appears tense. You notice a polythene bag gently floating around in the air and you hear nothing. You see a woman pass by, one of the workers, her hands hardened by the tasks, her brow creased with the life she has lived, eyes sunken yet alive.

You see so much more, you feel so much more.

Then it overwhelms and you wake up from your reverie.

Location : Silk Board
Distance covered : 4-6km, not sure
Mind Status : Free of thought

The phone rings...

"Hello"

"Hi Ma..."

The Feel Good Theorem

I had gone this one saturday to a class near the Shanthi Nagar Hockey stadium. I at this class happened to witness kalari for the first time in training and I must tell you it is one of the most beautiful things I've seen. The poise, grace is like none better. I was transfixed...
Anyway, this was just how I wanted to begin and it is actually something I should say "I digress" at. :)
So..

Time 11:00 am, a saturday morning

Location : No. 3, Curley Street
Mood : Pensive

I begin walking. Walking towards a road where the rickshaws stand waiting.

I felt a bit miserly today and was too lazy/sleepy/thoughtful to haggle the price and spend a hundred or more on a trip back home. So I decided to walk on, on to the bus stop, perhaps that would be more convenient, and there's always this charm about the din on board a bus, with a furious flow of words in a couple of languages, a few dialects that keeps one's mind enthralled (if you're like me).

But I in my present condition, felt it would be highly uncomfortable to get into the bus, stuff my whole self into the seats, in addition there was the reduced leg room, possible no-vacancy-in-seats that left me a lost option. So I chose the only other way remaining. To continue walking...
(Bike at service station)

and so it began...

Location : Adugodi
Expression : A smirk and smiling at self.
Thought : "Yo legs! You game?"
"Well, that's our job eitherway, since Mr. Grey cell controls us, we don't have much say you see..."
"Yes or no"
"yea yea"
"Sweet!"
"Let's go then, hup, hup hup... hup two three, four..."

And I began to walk, now I remembered something from a book I've read.

Location : Still Adugodi, closing on to Forum
Pace : I'd peg it at 4, hmm maybe 4.5km/hr
Distance covered : 1.5km

I discovered here...

The Feel Good Theorem

A proposal II

The breeze whispers a lullaby, you come close,
My heart skips a beat, you look and then smile,
Words get caught, I find it hard to breathe,
Just to kneel down and ask you.

You are one, there is no other,
Who captures my soul and lets it flutter,
More free than before, brighter than ever.
Let me be yours, I’ll be there whenever. (you need me)

I can make you smile, coz I want to see you that way
I can love you forever, coz I want to be that way (to you)
I will breathe your name, coz I feel that way
And then it’s not so hard…
To ask you.

May I have you as mine?

A proposal

I had written this one down for Anukriti's valentine contest 2009. (Internal to Infosys)

It's one I wrote without thinking.

It’s a wondrous dream having you,
Right here, beside me,
Something I don't want to wake up and forget,
A sensation so hard to resist,
To watch you laugh carefree, with that tinkle in your smile,
The sun on your hair, the glow in your eyes.
Makes me fall out of my chair, dazed, every single time...

It’s amazing how you make me feel,
With just a touch, or just a glance,
I am no longer on the ground, or in the sky,
Just hovering in between, with the widest of smiles,
A smile that spreads from ear to ear,
A smile that lasts the whole day near,
A smile that makes me forget all fears,
All pain and all tears

I have just one request,
Would you be mine forever?
I'd keep you smiling, your tears I'll never let,
I'll keep you alive, have I to die.

I'll keep you alive, have we to die.

Doubt Ridden

When I look into your eyes, I see a little truth,
But I'm filled with doubt, when I see you true,
The crime is such, it has no flaw,
Just a little twist in the clue.

How many times would you look at a stranger with doubt? And look at another one with compassion. You see one's plight and you feel pity for him, while you perceive another and ignore him. You want to help someone, but he's just fooling you, and the one who needs help, you suspect him too..

Wretched Day not anymore : Feb 14th

14th Feb, Sunday
12:00 pm

I wake up. Lazy as ever. I'm prepared to dislike the day for it's V-day and being Bangalore I expected (assumed) to see a more bigger side to this day. Anyway, so I walk out of the house, somehow I feel I should celebrate too, so I go to this restaurant I like and buy all the good stuff, pick up some chocolates and walk back smiling. It was very amusing to see guys in their casuals all readying for the evening. Theses were the common sights seen.

1. Guy in ATM withdrawing money while phone in hand, answering the minute he entered or exited.
2. Guy with flowers holding it gingerly, flowers mostly roses.
3. Guy picking up Temptations (Cadbury's) and others.
4. Group of two or three girls walking hand in hand, shy smiling throughout.
5. Guy and girl walking together hand in hand.
6. A young married family with their 3 possibly 4 year kid, having a nice lunch.

The last one caught my interest, it was really nice to see a family make time for a simple lunch together. :)

Now perhaps it was just pure co incidence and nothing related to V-Day, but I saw what I saw.
So anyway, I get back home, have a great lunch, watch tv (Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi), the actress was cute, as if on cue, when I started thinking again, plays on tv this real nice mush song (Tujh main Rab Dikhta hai) so I'm like all dreamy again.
Somehow I manage to shake out of it and go for a nap.

4:45pm
I am on my way to the church for evening service. Once done, that feeling of "celebrate-today" comes again, so I don't return home, I take a ride towards Indiranagar, once I reach the Domlur flyover, guts say, ride on back towards MG/Brigade. So..

Me : "Why not?"
Head : "Dude, there'll be too many couples, you real want to witness possible mushness among them"
Me : "Oh shaddup, don't spoil it, I mean they're harmless, I do agree they sometimes go over the top, but what the hell! Screw you."

Head : "Whatever!"

So I am on my way towards Brigade, it's a pleasant evening, I learn new routes, I'm smiling, I pass by this place (name forgotten) on MG where last time I saw a guy make neat paintings with only his feet (his hands deformed) and then I reach Brigade road, as expected I see couples, dressed in all their finery, girls with bouquets in their hands, the other snug in their boyfriend's arm or just smiles. Cops all over, it was quite a sight, I mean I have grown up in places where valentine's day was always celebrated in shady, shy to the eye areas, everybody playing hide-n-go-seek etc, so this was quite a sight to behold.
...
...
...
It's now ten minutes, and I'm at the traffic light...
And suddenly I don't hate Valentine's anymore, the old saint wasn't quite wrong about celebrating love. There are only two things that may happen, when you see this celebration in love. Either you could despise/dislike/hate/detest the people participating or you could love them for showing the one they love that they love them, even if it's just one time a year. So anyway, cupid got me loving the whole fair concept.

My only quetion now is, why can't valentine's be celebrated with the people you usually give a miss, why are couples together on this day preparing for romancing their one and only. Why not spend the day with parents or grand parents, take your sibling out and have fun. Go give your dog/cat/pet an extra fancy treat and spend some more time with the whole inner circle of friends. Or is valentine's day, the whole day only reserved for the one person you hold above the rest?

The answer to this question will probably give the true meaning of the celebration of love...

Wretched Day : Feb 14th

I'm gonna start this with a smile,

:)

coz yea it's all cliched with the 'I-am-single-and-not-so-happy-bout-it-so-bit$$$-bout-the-oh-sho-nicey-wicey-valentines-day' thing, but I do agree with Mr. Kutcher on
"There shouldn't be one day for love in a year, there should be 364 days of love with one day to hate/detest/blah blah someone day".

It's a kick-a** opinion. Who'd ever thought of that? I bet the non-social senas will love the idea. I mean, it would be their "THE DAY", to go around and make merry and slam somebody (or is that everybody) they sight with a shard in a cherry, beat up chirping love birds behind every bush and unaware "scantily-clad-women" (who wear jeans and tops with sleeves) at the unsuspecting pubs around the corners. Oh... JOY!! (dreamy eyes, fist clenched and ballerina pose in pink tutu)

AAAAnnnyyyway, coming back, as I was saying, it's quite silly when the first thing that comes into your mailbox on the 1st of Feb is "It's the month of love" (some roses and lil kids kissing and fluttering cupids). I mean, people what happened to the baby photos and the Good Morning in fluorscent colours and the "lovely" quotes! Those were at least funny in one way or "another". Ohkay, all righty then, I say to myself, it's cool, doncha worry, everyone says there'll be one fair damsel, with golden hair sitting below by the beach, waiting for you. That's when my eyes lose focus and my brain shuts down.

Venkataraman Swamy : Harry, do you have you found any sign of intelligence in sample 4300XX867B alias Adrian.

Harold Stonehedge : No Venky, the only words come out of him are "daah", "ummm", "ohh", "ahh". There's nothing we can do for him.

KirtiPrakash the chaiwalla : Chai saar, ek shecaand, waat is dis ahrrow in his bottoms faar

(poink)
(STATUTORY WARNING : poink is the sound of arrow being pulled out, in case people get imaginative)

sample 4300XX867B : $#^@#$! What the $#$% am I doing here? Who the #$%@ are you? WHERE'S MY @#%$@# lawyer?

The others look at each other, KirtiPrakash you are a genius I say!

la dee dah dee dah, o jubilee


It is NOT a pleasant experience!!

Thoughts to ponder

The media is there to get the 'real word/world' to you. Therefore they make it a point to mention the religions of the people involved in a fight, they make it a point to put the headlines (mandatory to be 'catchy' and 'explosive') pointing to bad news, locations of the armed forces (sometimes with land marks), celebrity gossip and their affairs are most important to know, especially stomach size during pregnancy, body part changes, 'what was seen' on the red carpet or on-the-way-to the red carpet and let's not forget, fascinating new technology put to use for inner wear and copulation. Ahh, yes, beautiful news, the very elixir of life in the world as we know it.

Thoughts to ponder

Religion based moral police prefer exploiting people and using brute force to 'cleanse' the country of 'westernism' and make it more 'appropriate' (again the word is subject to their judiciary and flexible to manipulation in any manner). Yet, interestingly they seem unconcerned about poor people who are bludgeoned on the streets for no fault of theirs, they are impervious to the cries of the dying (of their own religion) and they are immune to the education of their young so that the kids may learn and make lives for themselves and their parents. How noble!

Thoughts to ponder

Education in India (B.E.) is all about getting into an IIT and then 'increasing value' by getting into an IIM straight-after.

NOTE : Aah, well, who cares about the difference in fields., it's all about the money after a while isn't it?

Thoughts to ponder

A self proclaimed 'good person' believes in visiting a place of worship very regularly, but somehow still find joy in spreading rumours, back-biting, plotting etc with pure contempt.

Thoughts to ponder

A 'good person' gives alms to the poor in quantities of Re. 1, 2, 5 and a maximum of Rs 10 if he is generous, in case of food, some people feel good after handing a bar of chocolate (Dairy Milk, Rs. 10) to a hungry kid by the streets.

I say (sarcasm)

"That's very nutritious you see, for a one time meal" - Bravo

Thoughts to ponder

"Every advertisement on the television, no matter how moving or touching, will not last more than a week of continual showing, if showcasing wrong and the pitiable state of unfortunate people as is reality, furthermore, it will not affect half the audience as compared to a small frequency of these ads portrayed in a more 'stylized'/'documentary' manner not directly affecting an individual watching it and published on screen with the presence of a celebrity or known media person with or without make-up."

Thoughts to ponder

"We watch the news and comment, sympathize, shake our heads on the wrong or right that happens to people 'on air', but we complain and demand justice when it is about us and preach distrust to the media."

To Look ahead and Imagine (contd...)

I left off at (virtually) living the screen shots of The Shawshank Redemption.

Now, there came a movie that worried me most...
I had seen this movie alone, on 2.1 Creative speakers, which was good enough to send the message to my head and drive it in to the very core. It opens up showing a desolate bridge, void of people. As the movie progresses and Will Smith steps in, and the story slowly unfolds into the climax and the credits rolled, I found myself wide eyed, face in my hands, sitting hunched on the floor looking at the screen of my desktop. It took me a while to get up, go back several, specific scenes, hear the dialogues again, watch small things I missed and the enormity of the story hit me deeper. People might not find it very entertaining as a movie, but it's the very script, the gist, the idea that hit me square in the medulla oblongatta.
(I bet it's wrong, but well I just wanted to be dramatic, instead of saying plain ol "brain")
Anyway, it so happened, that whole night and the following day, I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, physically absent, my thoughts wandering in the US, through everything that I'd seen. It's amazing that they're could a minor possibility, even if the permutation/combination works out to a one in a million probability, that very drug that may help cure cancer may kill the very essence required to be a social "civilized" human being. An army officer was the protagonist, he would begin the day with a workout, for perhaps an hour maybe more, the appearance of a thoroughly fit man, in his prime comes to the head when you see him train, he has breakfast, gives some to his dog and then rides out into the city for supplies, all the while talking to his dog, with the same tone and topics, as one would with a friend, yet his eyes somehow don't show a lot of happiness. He hunts for food, competing with lions, for prey in the city. He steps into a store and talks to mannequins, again the same way, one would in a regular store. Slowly it dawns on the viewer...

There are no people.

Except him.

As the movie goes on, one sees, he is trying to keep his sanity by playing make believe, he is working on a cure and not just destroying everyone infected. His lab is strewn with several photos of experiments failed, but he is still at it. A video log is kept, to track days and events and other observations, he watches recorded tapes of the news when the problem happened, perhaps to find a clue, he goes every day to a dock and plays a recorded message by him on certain frequently used frequencies. Uses (will find out and place in) a certain chemical/solution to kill the scent left behind by his tracks; vehicle or shoes.

He does not lose the routine.

Towards the end of the movie, the viewer realizes that he had prepared himself entirely for almost every possibility.

The movie was I am Legend.
It makes me think, if the world does end, whether it maybe by global warming in two years, or medicine going wrong, or World War III...
If I am last man standing, will I last it out?
Will I be able to live long enough for another possible survivor to find me out?
Will I be able to harbor a new beginning?
As of now, right now, I am unprepared...

To Look ahead and Imagine

Have you ever been so influenced by a movie, that for the next few minutes, hours, perhaps days, the only thought that goes swirling in your head is.... What if? What if that was reality and I was in the place of the protagonist?

For me, this happened with

1. Road to El Dorado.
2. The Matrix.
3. The Shawshank Redemption.

Really makes that what if, resound in your head, the decibel increasing slowly nad then dying out on a day when something occupies your mind...
First it, in El Dorado, the life of a god in a hidden village of gold, shy to the eyes, covered by a waterfall, then it was the complete virtualisation of the world, where humans generate power, no fuel worries, 24/7/365 power supply, acquiring knowledge through a futuristic "USB" connector to the brain in seconds, no nano seconds; in The Matrix, then to undying determination of one innocent man in prison and how he breaks out, by planning out his work on the fly with his observations in The Shawshank Redemption. Each of these movies have made me ponder on and compare results of a possible swap between, current me (no change whatsoever) with the role of the protagonist.

what if?

I was the guy who found El Dorado and not a keen crook, what if I was the person they recognised as the descendant whom they worshipped.

I was the "One", someone who didn't know how to hack computers, but capable of "freeing m mind".

I was the person, mistaken murderer put into prison, subject to violence of all nature, without any taxpayer knowledge, how would I escape? Would I ever get to the 500 yard pipeline?

Revelation

Stumbling and grumbling, I took each step,
The scenes around, missing my eye,
I'd look at the ground and mutter curses,
I was driven, by an uncontrolled rage.
Looking forward, I'd see only the past,
Negativity in every breath out...
I made a mistake while in this stage,
Revelation came on now.

Now, I look up and walk,
Looking at the sun, the trees and flock.
I smile always, through thick and thin.
Even when I see nothin but the din.
I used to see the smaller picture.
But now I paint a larger one.
It's breathe easy and understand from now.
Look ahead and learn from now.

Revelation is sweet it is bitter,
But it is better late than never.

Time Stops!

I sit at my desk, my head resounding with music,
I stare at my screen, blinking links and a myriad of colours,
My mind churns out commands to my fingers,
Words flow on through my mind to my fingers...

Time stops.

My thoughts waltz on in my mind,
I lose count of the topics, the events as they circulate on n on,
An infinte loop, certain skipped and some clear,
Tasks come and go, priorities keep changing,
But one gets locked, and fire burns in my gut

Time stops.

Blood rushes to my heart, I hear it beat louder,
My arms twitch and my muscles harden,
My jaw clenches, my face frowns,
I see that lock...

Time stops.

Human Nature (Prologue)

The human mind is fascinating!
However, what allures me more, is human nature.
How each seemingly generic emotion and mannerism, manifests locally in each individual with a significant and prominent distinguishing factor. Everyone feels anger, but every one, has a different way of expressing it, some may cry, some may shout, some may fight, while some more, let it pass. Everyone feels fear, but each one exhibits fear differently. Everyone feels love/lust/happiness/sorrow, but the manner in which it is expressed, the associated actions/gestures have always been unique.
What then is human nature?
We use the phrase often have we not...
We use it, to so called, "explain" certain things we do.

Human Nature

I last left off, hoping to get a few examples that flow,
Why do we prefer to be in a crowd of well-off people in an expensive place rather than a group of weak diseased people, in tattered clothes in a slum area? It's human nature.
Why do like to spend more on "good" health care and not the food items, utensils, detergents etc used at home? It's human nature.
Why do we want to acquire money to live a lavish life later when we are un-able rather than living life now whe are, able? It's human nature.
I once read an article on the same topic by a good friend, who stated, that we as humans are very selfish inherently. We live for our each individual selves, you breathe to live, not for someone else, because you have a selfish desire to live. YOu may read this statement and understand several sides of it. But I am hoping you get the message I want to convey. We are selfish in every little deed that we do every second of our life and we have found comfort in labeling it "Human Nature".