Recognition

Wednesday, 18 November

19:57 pm

1. Monday nigh
2. Tuesday blues
3. Wednesday

Monday began with dread in the head.
Many perceptions of how worse the day would get, kept floating about in my mind. All this while, I kept complaining about how IT wasn't my cup of tea, but somehow, it always gave the impression that I, was making it difficult, perhaps it was just me against my conscience, fighting out the depression that would keep setting in with each failure I came across, fueled by each small success that came back. Monday was one such day where my alter complained and whined about the task that lay ahead, making a presentation on all that I and my colleague/friend had learned in the past four months. Difficult, yes, for I believed it was an impossible task to achieve given my now famous memory blocks *that gets garbage collected, faulty try catch block*
Anyway, the task began, I messaged old friends, checked mail, wrote a blog entry, blah blah.. At ten when I felt a bit better, I got into murky water and lay my hands on it's head, twitching my nose to the stench that rolled up, the blood shot eyes stared back at me and frowned... ahem, sorry wrong story, ahh yes, the slides began "Tricks to the trade", sub-heading "The past four months of training in FINRPT".

6 hrs, one disappointed friend (whom I couldn't meet for lunch), some more mails, a nap later
50 slides were done, not bad I smile to myself

Time to leave, dinner was good at terminal
Mood : Pleasant
I ride home. Enjoying the lull of the engine and the cool night chill. :)

===============================================================
Tuesday was rainy, very very rainy, so though I was ready in reasonable time, I get delayed.

Decisions : No bike, big bother to clean up after
given the fact I end wiping the bike like 4 times a ride.
Before to, wipe down
To, wipe down
Before Fro, wipe down
Fro, wipe down

So I'm in the bus all squishy, my polished shiny shoes now dull and muddy, my trousers speckled with mud and the bus full. Even then, the weather's pleasant and I'm quite fine. A small breakfast later, work begins again, I see the name and I'm back to mister low again (I hate that $^#%&) ahem, pardon my french.
So anyway, I get back to work, my colleague too is visibly tensed up and all she keeps asking me is "How many slides done?". Tempers are mid level, irritation sets in easy, I can't meet up friends for lunch again and at the end of the day somehow, the task seems achievable and we're calmer, but another problem has crept into my mind and he sits there sucking my happiness like a dementor perhaps a parasite.

All I can think is of friends, some I feel betrayed with, some whom I miss even more. From this I realised that though I manage well as a loner, sometimes I need my friends, the few the true to be with me like a dance crew on the streets, live together, die together kinda friends. Unfortunately, this isn't possible yet...
I'm gradually learning to live with it. :)
Two hours, maggi noodles and eyeing a cute lady later
I reach home, a sob story is shared with a few close mates and Tuesday's chapter closes in very sound sleep, some on the bus during the trip, some at home.

Mood : I-missed-my-bike-that-day mood

===================================================================
Wednesday, I'm ready by 7:30 on the dot, I'm the first to leave the house, hmmm.. I have a good feeling about today. Good breakfast at 10:30am, I had finished 100 slides satisfactorily and we were a bit lunatic with anticipation to meet our DM. As would happen with my amazing psychic skills, I foresaw the discussion, sound effect and Murphy's law came true.

"WHEN SOMETHING HAS TO GO WRONG...
IT WILL"

So though he seemingly liked what we had done, glaring mistakes were pointed out and we were to correct them. An animated discussion followed, some casual mental ragging. So we decided reluctantly, "Something had to be done", Chaitra too agreed that it was time to put the chin up and face fears.

Lesson learnt : Writing down and organising yourself helps tremendously, it keeps your memory from dissipating what you know to the outside as part of conduction and it also gives you the confidence of "knowing" what you will say or do. Maybe everything can't be penned down, maybe somethings shouldn't be penned down. But loading off on paper is perhaps, the most satisfying activity one can find in stress busting. It makes you calmer, it makes you madder, it makes you think, it makes you forget, it makes you remember and it makes you love. All that ends with YOU being better to you. That's what it should be, isn't it?